Why am I so lonely? How do I change it? Loneliness, in today’s fast-paced world, has become an all-too-common companion. Scholars suggest that loneliness has reached epidemic levels, and it’s easy to understand why. We live in a world driven by technology, workaholism, and a growing sense of isolation. At its core, humans are hardwired for connection. When that connection is lacking, we feel it deeply, both mentally and physically. So, how do we address it? In this blog, I want to explore why we feel lonely and what we can do about it. From the importance of friendships and everyday connections to the secrets we keep that separate us from others, let's dive into understanding and overcoming loneliness. The Difference Between Loneliness and Isolation Loneliness and isolation are often confused, but they are different. Isolation is usually a choice—we choose to spend time alone, whether to hike, read a book, or enjoy a peaceful moment. On the other hand, loneliness is a feeling of disconnection, a sense that we are alone even when surrounded by others. You can feel lonely in a crowded room, in a relationship, or at work. It’s about the lack of deep, meaningful connections, not physical isolation. Why Do We Feel Lonely? One major factor in loneliness is the inability to cultivate friendships. We can feel out of place like no one around us shares our values or interests. This was true for me when I lived in a neighborhood where everyone had a different worldview, and finding common ground seemed impossible. Joining groups, participating in community activities, or finding a tribe of like-minded people can help combat this feeling of loneliness. Keeping secrets can also create distance. Secrets, especially those born out of shame or guilt, separate us from others. They prevent vulnerability, a key element of deep, meaningful relationships. When we open up and share our true selves, we allow others to see us fully, fostering acceptance and deeper connections. Everyday Interactions and the Power of Community Sometimes, it’s the small interactions that matter. Smiling at your neighbor, saying hello to the barista, or chatting with someone at the gym can create a sense of connection. These brief exchanges may seem insignificant, but they help build a sense of belonging to your community. It’s not just about having close friends; it’s about feeling connected to the people around you, even in casual encounters. The digital world also plays a huge role in our disconnection. With social media and endless entertainment at our fingertips, we often spend more time on our screens than with the people around us. It’s easy to fall into the habit of scrolling on your phone instead of engaging with the world. Try setting aside no-screen time during meals or walks, and focus on being present with the people around you. Friendships Require Effort In today’s fast-paced world, we’ve drifted into a friendship recession. Relationships have become transactional—something to do, rather than people to confide in. We need to foster deeper connections and invest time into friendships without an agenda. Vulnerability and openness are necessary to build friendships that last and provide the kind of emotional support we all need. Why Are Connections So Important? Friendships and relationships offer us things we can’t find on our own: validation, belonging, meaning, compassion, and emotional support. They improve both our mental and physical health. Studies show that people with strong social bonds live longer and have better overall well-being. Investing in relationships is one of the best ways to fight the negative effects of loneliness, which can be as harmful to our health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. Taking the First Steps to Overcome Loneliness So, what can you do today to start feeling less lonely? Start small. Smile at someone. Make eye contact. Strike up a conversation. Be vulnerable. Admit that you need a connection and take active steps to build it. Friendships take time, effort, and openness, but the rewards are immeasurable. If you’re feeling stuck, try journaling with the prompts provided in this post. Explore why you feel lonely and what you can do differently to build deeper, more meaningful relationships. Remember, you’re not alone in this—reach out, and together, we can overcome loneliness. For more insights, check out my website and podcast, where I explore these topics more deeply. Stay connected! Podcast on Loneliness:   Listen on Spotify Website:   Juliana Bruno Juliana Bruno Juliana J. Bruno (aka Juliana Jay) is a wellness professional and content creator; they currently host the I Care About You Podcast , which focuses on helping people discover their true selves and live more fulfilling lives. She is the author of, Reasons to Live: An Interactive Guide to Healing and Overcoming Suicidal Thoughts and How to Help Others Survive (Self Love Workbook for Suicide Ideation, Depression Prompts). After graduating from UC Santa Cruz with a degree in Molecular Cellular and Developmental Biology and going on to study Educational Psychology at Northridge, Juliana went on to leadership positions in the nonprofit and educational/ university environments. Throughout their career, Juliana has used their knowledge and talent as a  Mindfulness Meditation Teacher and Transformational Coach to create better working conditions for staff and to mentor and coach people toward their goals and authentic selves.

Introducing my new book published by Mango Publishing's new imprint; Books that Save Lives: "Reasons to Live: A Guide to Practices that Support Healing Beyond Suicidal Thoughts and Emotional Overwhelm" I offer you the synopsis by the publisher~ In the journey of life, we often encounter moments of darkness—times when despair threatens to overwhelm us and the weight of emotional turmoil feels insurmountable. For those navigating through thoughts of suicide or supporting a loved one in such a struggle, finding a beacon of hope and understanding is crucial. That's why I'm thrilled to announce the launch of my new book, "Reasons to Live: A Guide to Practices that Support Healing Beyond Suicidal Thoughts and Emotional Overwhelm." Redrawing the Boundaries of Mental Health "Reasons to Live" is not just a book; it's a lifeline for anyone touched by the specter of suicide. It boldly challenges the notion that suicidal thoughts define a person, offering instead a path towards awareness, resilience, and profound personal growth. Through powerful research, insightful practices, and inspiring stories of resilience, this book aims to empower individuals to redefine their struggles and embrace a life filled with happiness and fulfillment. A Compassionate Companion on Your Journey At its heart, "Reasons to Live" serves as a compassionate guidebook and emotional companion. It provides a safe space to explore the complexities of emotional and mental health, offering effective practices and research-backed insights that illuminate the truth about suicidal thoughts. This isn't just about understanding; it's about transformation—turning despair into awareness and finding strength in vulnerability. Navigating the Depths: What You'll Find Inside Inside "Reasons to Live," you'll discover practical strategies and supportive resources to help you navigate through the challenges: Recognizing Cautionary Signs : Learn how to identify the warning signs of suicidal thoughts, empowering you to take proactive steps towards healing. Prompts for Positive Change : Effective exercises and prompts to reduce negative self-talk, fostering self-compassion and resilience in the face of adversity. Understanding Survivor’s Guilt : Explore the complex emotions of survivor's guilt and its impact on suicidal thoughts, gaining insights into managing and overcoming this challenging aspect. The Power of Self-Love : Discover why self-love is not just a concept but a transformative tool for mental well-being, offering practices to cultivate and nurture self-compassion. Visual Insights : Illustrations and diagrams provide a deeper understanding of how depression and other mental health issues impact overall well-being, shedding light on their effects with clarity and compassion. Emergency Resources : Essential numbers and references are provided for immediate support, ensuring you're never alone in times of crisis. Join the Journey Towards Healing If you're seeking a wellness companion that goes beyond the surface, "Reasons to Live" is your guide. Whether you're personally navigating through these challenges or supporting someone who is, this book offers invaluable insights and a supportive community to lean on. It's more than just a book; it's a testament to resilience, hope, and the transformative power of embracing life's challenges. Get Your Copy of "Reasons to Live" Ready to embark on this transformative journey? Dive into "Reasons to Live" and discover why it's a must-read for anyone on the path to healing and personal growth. Embrace the reasons that ignite your spirit and redefine your journey towards a life of fulfillment and purpose. Reasons to Live: A Guide to Practices that Support Healing Beyond Suicidal Thoughts and Emotional Overwhelm  is now available [link to purchase]. Together, let's rewrite the narrative of mental health and find strength in the journey towards healing.

Self-betrayal is the act of breaking a promise to yourself. It can be anything from not following through on a goal to lying to yourself about your feelings. When you betray yourself, you are breaking the trust you have in yourself. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. There are many reasons why people betray themselves. Sometimes, it is because they are afraid of failure. Other times, it is because they are trying to please others. And sometimes, it is simply because they do not know how to keep their promises to themselves. Whatever the reason, self-betrayal is a serious issue. It can lead to a number of problems in your life, including: Low self-esteem: When you betray yourself, you are essentially telling yourself that you are not worthy of being trusted. This can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. Depression: Self-betrayal can also lead to depression. When you feel like you cannot trust yourself, it can be difficult to find joy in life. Anxiety: Self-betrayal can also lead to anxiety. When you are constantly worried about letting yourself down, it can be difficult to relax and enjoy the present moment. Stress: Self-betrayal can also lead to stress. When you are constantly trying to live up to your own expectations, it can be difficult to relax and de-stress. If you are struggling with self-betrayal, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand why you are betraying yourself. Once you understand the root of the problem, you can start to address it. If you are afraid of failure, it is important to remember that failure is a part of life. Everyone fails sometimes. The important thing is to learn from your failures and to keep trying. If you are trying to please others, it is important to remember that you cannot please everyone. You have to learn to put your own needs first sometimes. And if you simply do not know how to keep your promises to yourself, it is important to learn how to set realistic goals and to create a plan to achieve them. Self-betrayal is a difficult issue to overcome, but it is not impossible. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to trust yourself and to keep your promises to yourself. Here are some tips on how to stop self-betrayal: Be honest with yourself. The first step to stopping self-betrayal is to be honest with yourself. This means being honest about your feelings, your goals, and your limitations. Set realistic goals. When you set goals for yourself, make sure they are realistic. If you set goals that are too difficult to achieve, you are setting yourself up for failure. Create a plan. Once you have set your goals, create a plan to achieve them. This plan should include specific steps that you will take each day. Take action. The most important step in stopping self-betrayal is to take action. This means doing the things that you have planned to do. Be patient. Self-betrayal is a process that takes time. Do not expect to change overnight. Be patient with yourself and keep working towards your goals.

Self-doubt is a common experience that can have a significant impact on our lives. It can hold us back from taking risks, pursuing our goals, and reaching our full potential. What is self-doubt? Self-doubt is a feeling of uncertainty or lack of confidence in one's abilities. It can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as negative experiences, criticism from others, or simply our own thoughts and feelings. How does self-doubt affect us? Self-doubt can have a number of negative effects on our lives. It can prevent us from taking risks, pursuing our goals, and reaching our full potential. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. How can we overcome self-doubt? There are a number of things we can do to overcome self-doubt. Here are a few tips: Identify your self-doubt triggers. The first step to overcoming self-doubt is to identify what triggers it for you. Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to develop strategies for dealing with them. Challenge your negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought about yourself, challenge it. Ask yourself if the thought is really true. Is there evidence to support it? If not, replace it with a more positive thought. Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When you're feeling down on yourself, focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Reminding yourself of your strengths can help to boost your confidence. Set realistic goals. When we set unrealistic goals, we're setting ourselves up for failure. This can lead to self-doubt and discouragement. Instead, set realistic goals that you can actually achieve. This will help you to build confidence and momentum. Take action. One of the best ways to overcome self-doubt is to take action. When you take action, you prove to yourself that you're capable. You also start to build momentum, which can help to boost your confidence. Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. When you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it and move on. Remember that you're human and that everyone makes mistakes. Seek support. If you're struggling with self-doubt, don't be afraid to seek support from others. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else you trust. Talking about your struggles can help you to feel less alone and more supported. Overcoming self-doubt is not easy, but it is possible. With time, effort, and patience, you can learn to manage your self-doubt and achieve your goals.

What is reparenting? Reparenting is the process of providing yourself with the love, support, and guidance that you didn't receive as a child. It's about healing the wounds of your past and creating a new, healthier relationship with yourself. It allows you to look at the things you learned in childhood and decide if they are right for you now. Such as, learning as child that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. You can chose to rethink that assumption into something that serves your adult self. You may choose to think that showing emotion is a human action and that it is emotions are not bad, they are just a way to better understand and honor yourself. You can decide that emotions are important to show to loved ones how you feel, such as happiness, sadness and so on. Emotions can be a release. Why is reparenting important? Reparenting is important because it can help you to heal from the trauma of your past and create a more positive and fulfilling life. When you reparent yourself, you learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally. You also learn to set healthy boundaries and take care of your own needs. How can you start reparenting yourself? There are many ways to reparent yourself. Here are a few tips to get you started: Be kind to yourself. One of the most important things you can do is to be kind to yourself. This means or giving yourself for your mistakes and accepting yourself for who you are. Give yourself what you needed as a child. If you didn't receive love, support, or guidance as a child, give yourself these things now. This could mean reading books about self-love, practicing meditation, or seeking therapy. Set healthy boundaries. One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to set healthy boundaries. This means saying no to things that you don't want to do and protecting your time and energy. Take care of your needs. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. It also means taking time for yourself to relax and de-stress. Conclusion Reparenting is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and patience. But it's worth it. When you reparent yourself, you create a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself. This can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life.

Why do you do (or don’t do) certain things, and is it tied to the need to be perfect? ● Why do you go to the gym? To be skinny for others or to take care of yourself? ● Why don’t you take that painting class you’ve always wanted? Are you afraid your first Attempts will be embarrassing? ● Why don't you join the improv group down the street? Are you afraid they are better than you and they will judge you? ● If no one saw you do something, would you still do it? ● If you couldn’t share your experience, would you still do it? ● Who would you be if people thought your actions and ideas were amazing? Would you Feel freer to express ideas and be involved. Although we have been led to believe that perfection is the goal and that lack of perfection is why we are unsuccessful, this is not true. Perfectionism isn’t a goal. It isn’t something you can check off a list; perfection is important. Perfectionism is a series of fleeting moments that are not destinations one can rest at for long. No one reaches perfection; they only stop there momentarily before moving back into the space inhabited by the rest of us. Perfectionism is constantly changing and is always fleeting. Seeking perfectionism in life can lead to great unhappiness. We tend to think that being perfect (without flaws) leads to feelings of worthiness, but that is far from the truth. Trying to be always perfect can lead to some unfulfilling habits. Habits that contribute to and promote feelings of worthlessness rather than feelings of worth. Debunked “truths” about perfectionism: We tell ourselves; I cannot struggle because that is weak. If I am weak, I am unloved. Studies have shown that those who show vulnerability are highly likable and more believable, and many people feel more connected to those who can show vulnerability through weaknesses. This can be things like not knowing how to do something, admitting mistakes, and healthily laughing at yourself. In actuality, those things are beautiful to others. We tell ourselves that if we aren’t working toward perfection, we will stop achieving or having goals. This is silly. We will all continue to complete but will be able to do so through learning and flexibility rather than rigid steps that might hinder the goals in the long run. Our goals and tasks may become more collaborative, and we may find mentors and gurus as we work toward more important things. We may decide that past goals no longer serve us and move on to new ideas and benchmarks. Some of us do not do or try new things because being an amateur is weak or embarrassing. But the truth is, you can only perfect a skill if you are willing to be imperfect. You also miss out on many fun activities with others that you might enjoy. Everyone you know who is talented or very good at something was once an amateur at their current skill. You can’t learn something new without being an amateur first, and being willing to be a newbie is surprisingly liberating. We confuse high standards with perfectionism. High standards are not perfectionism. High standards are boundaries you have set for yourself, such as, “I will not accept a job that underpays me” or “I will not date someone angry all the time.” High standards are goals you have for yourself, such as, “I will buy a house by the time I am 30” or “I will make enough money not to have to buy thrifted clothes unless I want to.” High standards are just things you create based on your own or other people's values. Some of our high standards are only ours because we feel the pressure from society to maintain such standards for ourselves. Often, these high standards are linked to money, status, and possessions. But, like anything, high standards need to be balanced. Suppose your high standards prevent you from learning new things, being open-minded, or having fun with people in healthy ways. In that case, you should consider balancing your criteria with healthy exploration and unique things. One thing is for sure: Perfectionism is pressure. And Pressure can lead to anxiety. Sometimes, we perceive the pressure as other people's judgments. Our need to be perfect is tied to what others think of us. But who are these other people? The judgments of others are usually thoughts we have created in our minds. Think to yourself, who is judging me? Do I know this for a fact? Have they told me so, or is it just something I think they are thinking? Have I extrapolated this idea due to things they have said in the past? Is this my assumption or a truth? Unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that other people expect you to be perfect, then you must entertain that this idea is only an assumption on your part and that it might not be something they actually feel. If you have surrounded yourself with judgmental people, consider reevaluating that group. Do they really care about you if they are constantly judging you? Find a balance between those that judge and those that accept you as you are. You will be surprised how many people will take you as you are because they want the same acceptance. Sometimes, we judge because we feel that is what everyone else is doing, which is the expectation. One brave person standing up for acceptance can change the dynamic of the whole group. Now that you know a little about it, do you think you indulge in the self-perfection model? Here are some characteristics to help you decide. · You can become easily Overworked. You take on all group tasks and try to do them Without asking for help. You are a yes person. You are a people-pleaser. · You will go above and beyond and constantly seek praise. · You are a procrastinator – the pressure to start is too much. The fear of not being perfect at the job or task at hand makes you afraid to start. · You are not trying or learning new things because you can’t be perfect the first time. You are worried about being judged by others. · You are pointing out flaws in yourself to others. You want to point out your flaws before others judge you for them. · Perfection keeps you from intimacy. You are not cute enough. You can’t be naked with the lights on, or look at yourself in the mirror because you aren’t perfect. · You can’t have deep relationships because people will discover who you are. You don't have deep friendships because you can't tell other people your ideas for fear they will think your feelings and thoughts are stupid. · You can’t enjoy things like food, clothes shopping, or swimming because you feel your body is imperfect, so other people will think you are ugly. · You want to avoid traveling because you fear not knowing the culture or norms. How do you change your view of needing to be perfect? Increase your tolerance for imperfection and being okay. Be okay with being uncomfortable. With learning new things and having new experiences. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. In other words, go out of your comfort zone. Do things that get you out of your comfort zone, learn something new, talk to a stranger, go somewhere new, do something alone, join a new group, or start a new hobby. When you feel uncomfortable, check-in and thank yourself for leaving your comfort zone. Say to yourself that you are worthy right now. Do this every day. You won't believe yourself at first, but keep going! If possible, look yourself in the eyes, use a mirror, and say out loud to yourself that you. are fine, just as you are, and smile at yourself. Do this every day. When people accept you without conditions, notice it. Notice when you are out of your comfort zone and get a compliment or a kind word. Notice the positive feedback and be thankful. When you mess up, say to yourself, “I am human. Therefore, I make mistakes but can learn and move on.” If you need to tell me you are sorry, do it. That heals both the person you need to say sorry to and yourself. You will be surprised at the closure you feel when you say you are sorry and really mean it. If you make a mistake, learn from it. And pat yourself on the back for being courageous enough to learn from mistakes. That takes bravery! Studies show that your body doesn’t know the difference between you patting yourself on the back or hugging yourself or if it is someone else doing so. So give yourself love when you step out of your comfort zone. Physically pat yourself on the back, provide a self-hug now and then, rub your shoulders, and say well done! Thank yourself for working toward a happier and more fulfilling life. The more you do these things, the better and easier it becomes. Letting go of the need to be perfect is one step to feeling worthy. Healthy Self Worth looks like this: Peaceful days are not filled with daily drama. Calm mind and actions Freedom to enjoy things just as they are and try new things excitedly. Ability to listen to your internal wisdom and intuition. Ability to take good care of yourself. To Have healthy boundaries. You can work and move through issues with greater strategy and understanding. You won’t let a lousy comment define you entirely. You will be able to give yourself compassion. You will be able to comfort yourself. You will not stop having goals and working towards them, but you will do so with more openness and flexibility. Know that change is not linear. It is forward, backward, upside-down, sideways, and everything else. So be kind to yourself. I have faith in you! Check out the companion podcast for more (live on May 26th, 2023)! https://youtu.be/Gdq3P-vJMjE

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM RELYING TOO MUCH ON NEGATIVITY BIAS? Let me ask you something... Do you tend to think of what could go wrong before you think about what could go right? When you hear about something you haven’t heard of before, is your first thought usually negative? If you get an invite to do something you haven’t done before, is the first thing that comes to mind something that will go wrong? When you hear unhappy news, do you immediately go to the worst-case scenario? When you are at a crossroads and trying to make a decision, do you find yourself constantly weighing out the worst things that could happen rather than excited about the positive aspects? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are activating your negativity bias. We all have this. Negativity bias is the brain's tendency to focus on the negative rather than the positive. Research suggests that It's helpful at times and undoubtedly saved a few of our distant ancestors from predators and such. First, let's talk about negative bias. Research shows that This is a natural thing we all have, but some of us become more fixated on the negative than the positive. Simply said, we are off balance. We all tend to remember trauma much more vividly than we remember happy times. We all tend to hear negative comments more acutely than positive feedback. We are drawn to negative stories, events, and other stimuli than positive ones. We tend to remember adverse events or comments more than positive ones. When making decisions, we tend to think more deeply about what can go wrong than what can go right. We learn more from negative events than positive ones. Studies show that we may even believe bad news more than we might believe good news. We may be more motivated by imagining what we will lose if we don't achieve than what we will gain. A good example of this is work. We tend to think we will lose money, skills, and respect if we strike out on our own or take a new career path rather than thinking about what we can gain by doing this. We may even hear criticism more profoundly than we hear praise. We dwell on something someone said that was critical but disregard or devalue the praise we receive. We also tend to dwell on a bad experience, running it over and over in our minds and then using it as a yardstick for any future events that come our way. For example, we bomb a job interview. Instead of looking at it as an anomaly or using it as a tool for improvement, we dwell on all the things that went wrong with a feeling of powerlessness. When we do this, we chip away at our self-esteem and self-worth. We also develop a pattern of negative thinking that can hugely affect our relationships and opportunities in life. The classic Saturday Night Live skit “Debby Downer” pokes fun at this way of being, but in reality, people find a negative outlook repelling rather than helpful. This natural mechanism is there to keep us safe but can end up harming us more than saving us if we let the fear behind the negative thoughts become more prominent in our lives. I have a friend who gets mad whenever someone points out his negative outlook and says it is only because he is looking out for us. He has so internalized his negative outlook that he doesn't see the damage it is doing to his relationships and even his health. Going through life unbalanced and dwelling too much on the negative can have a profound effect on your life. It can bring on physical issues and increase anxiety because oftentimes, people with negative perspectives feel disempowered. That feeling of powerlessness creates anxiety around just about everything. The If you think everything will go wrong then it probably will type of scenario is constantly being played out in their lives. If you expect it, you will seek it out subconsciously even if something good happens to you. You will look for the minor hiccups along the way. For example, if you buy a house but can't get through the process of purchasing it and the loan you had to get, Even though you achieved your goal of buying a house, you can’t get past a rude real estate agent or how the seller took a light fixture or whatever. You are subconsciously looking for the negative to reinforce your outlook that everyone and everything is unpredictable and out to get you. It is important to be able to weigh the pros and cons when approaching a situation. If you feel more negative than positive, consider making pros and cons lists where there must be an equal number of pros and cons. It would be best if you gave equal time to both sides of your list. Think about each side with the same dedication and do not let the cons creep in while imagining the pros. Create scenarios in your mind related to all the pros, just like you do automatically about the cons. Negative bias can also shape how you see people and relationships. You may feel that everyone you meet is out to get you, or you are leery of them. You may tend to dwell on a loved one’s imperfections more than you dwell on all the good they do. When you get into an argument with your partner, you may tend to dwell on their imperfections rather than the points they made in the argument. When you get a performance review, you may forgo the positive comments and concentrate more on any constructive criticism that was noted. You may find yourself negatively anticipating outcomes of conversations or situations, causing you to go into these spaces with your defenses up and expecting the worst. You may be unable to hear people’s needs because you receive the information as an insult rather than an ask. How can you shift your perspective a little to feel more positive? Let go of negative self-talk Start listening to your inner dialogue. If you have a negative thought about someone, yourself, or a situation before it happens, stop yourself and work to reframe the internal messaging into something more positive or neutral. If you see someone new and immediately judge them, notice it and let it go. If you constantly berate yourself with self-talk, like you are not competent or likable enough, then change that by self-reflecting more and labeling less. If someone says they want to talk to you, you immediately assume it is to yell at you, stop, and reconsider other possibilities. Reframe events and past memories. If you go into an event or situation thinking about all the bad stuff that will happen, try to balance it out with possible positive outcomes. For example: If every time you get in your car to go on the freeway, you think people will be targeting you. Say you immediately think everyone is going to cut you off. Shift your thoughts to If someone does cut me off it isn't personal. It isn't about me. Maybe no one cuts me off. For every person that cuts me off, someone lets me in a lane I need to be in. If you think someone is mad at you, learn how to communicate your concerns in a way that allows the both of you to work through it. Start finding new ways to deal with things that you used to view negatively. By this, I mean if you obsess about past events negatively, such as searching for every stupid thing you said and then fixating on what you said. Realize you are doing this and change the pattern. Say to yourself, nope, I don't do this anymore.  And shift. Do something to stop the train of thought, like listen to music, watch a funny movie, or maybe even watch cute cat videos. Maybe you take up journal writing, and when you start obsessing, you write about positive outcomes from the event or a positive topic or prompt. Perhaps you explore how you could learn from the situation. Instead of fixating on things that went wrong in the past, start looking at them as learning opportunities. Start giving the positive things equal attention. If you look at a negative news story, follow up by watching a happy video and give both equal attention. If you have a great cup of coffee, give it as much attention as you do the traffic jam you experienced while driving to work. Give the neighbor who always says "hi" to you with a smile the same attention you give your cranky co-worker. Find balance. I am not saying that you swing over to rose-colored glasses and sunbathing all the time, but you need to find a balance. Remember, being too negative affects your health, relationships, satisfaction in life, and even future possibilities. Be open to exploring the idea that you may have gotten off balance, and be open with yourself. Realize that it is easy to become off balance and swing over to the negative, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed, something traumatic is happening, and/ or you are experiencing increased anxiety levels. It happens to all of us. You aren't alone, but it is essential to realize it when it happens. Sometimes, negative folks adopt a very stubborn viewpoint on their negativity, which isn’t the same as those around them. That is why it is important to be open to understanding your outlook on life and be willing to shift if the balance is skewed. Being stubborn won’t help your relationships; it will translate into an uncaring perspective on your part. And let’s face it, relationships are about caring, among other things. Suppose you are unsure if you harbor a negative outlook on life. Spend time analyzing your thoughts; what first comes to mind when encountering new people, places, and situations? How do you feel about daily activities? Are they burdensome? Are they fun or something else? If you are honest with yourself, you will see where you are off balance. Sometimes, you can be positive in one area of life but extremely negative in another. Say you are positive about your workout life but negative about your work life. Be careful; one negative aspect of life can infect the other parts before you even know it. You may have to get another job if you can’t redirect your thoughts about work. Take action of some kind so that you don’t end up feeling negative about other aspects of your life. Be honest about truly bad situations and change them, but don't let negative thoughts that aren’t even real cloud your outlook. Look around at the people you hang out with. Is there a negative vibe? Do you all like to get together to gripe and smack talk, or is it mixed with other things? Did you grow up with someone who thought everything was doom and gloom? Maybe you learned some of your behavior from others or you fell into it because that was the context of the group. Realize that negative perspectives can be comfort zones. Even if it harms your relationships and adds to your unhappiness, you may feel comfortable; it is something known to you. If you were positive, that would be a new space, which might feel scary. Maybe you're worried about what others will think if you change your outlook. My answer is, who cares? You are doing this for you! They will probably appreciate positivity! Being negative keeps people from getting close to you, which is also a safety mechanism. It is a natural protector. Relationships can be scary; they involve vulnerability, which is terrifying for some. Ask yourself, what is the payoff for my negative attitude? Does it make me feel better than others? Does it elevate my ego for a minute? Does it keep things from getting too deep? Does it keep me from being vulnerable? Does it make me look important or knowledgeable? Has it become my source of entertainment? How is negativity serving me? Does it keep me safe? How do I know? Are they just thoughts that I think might happen, or is there real danger? Is it keeping me from taking calculated risks or being spontaneous? Is it keeping me from the things I want? Is it attracting the people I want to know or not? Is it creating the possibility for me? Be mindful of your inclinations. Be aware when you are being negative, and check in with yourself. Is there a real threat? How can I think of this more positively? If you are struggling, you should seek professional help, either a therapist or another modality that resonates with you. Coaches can help with this type of life shift, and it might be worth exploring. Meditation, acupuncture, and groups can also help. Okay, now you know a little bit about spotting your negative biases and have a few tools to help you change a negative outlook to something more positive. That's great! If you need someone to help you sift, consider asking someone close to you to keep you accountable. Maybe you can both work on things together. Who knows? The point is that you are working on a more positive life, and that is really wonderful! That is it for me today, my friends! Take care and know that I support you, and I love you, and you can do this!

Self-shame is a feeling of worthlessness, inadequacy, and unlovability. It is often accompanied by a sense of being flawed or defective. Self-shame can be caused by a variety of factors, including childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. It can also be caused by negative experiences in adulthood, such as failure, rejection, or betrayal. Self-shame can have a profound impact on our lives. It can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can also make it difficult to form healthy relationships and to achieve our goals. If you are struggling with self-shame, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand where your self-shame comes from. Once you understand the root of your self-shame, you can start to address it. If you have experienced trauma or abuse in your childhood, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to heal from your trauma and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. If you have experienced negative experiences in adulthood, such as failure, rejection, or betrayal, it is important to challenge your negative thoughts. Remember that these experiences do not define you. You are worthy of love and respect, regardless of what has happened to you. It is also important to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to a friend. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and accept yourself for who you are. Finally, if you are struggling to overcome self-shame on your own, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand the root of your self-shame and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Overcoming self-shame is a journey, but it is one that is worth taking. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.thumb_upthumb_downrefreshGoogle it more_vert

Self-hatred is a destructive emotion that can have a profound impact on our lives. It can lead to feelings of worthlessness, depression, and anxiety. It can also make it difficult to form healthy relationships and to achieve our goals. There are many reasons why we might feel self-hatred. Some people may have experienced trauma or abuse in their childhood. Others may have made mistakes that they feel they can never forgive themselves for. Still others may simply feel like they are not good enough. Whatever the reason, self-hatred is a painful and debilitating emotion. If you are struggling with self-hatred, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand where your self-hatred comes from. Once you understand the root of your self-hatred, you can start to address it. If you have experienced trauma or abuse, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to heal from your trauma and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. If you have made mistakes, it is important to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and to move on. If you simply feel like you are not good enough, it is important to challenge your negative thoughts. Remember that you are not alone. Everyone struggles with self-doubt at times. The important thing is to focus on your strengths and to believe in yourself. If you are struggling with self-hatred, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and who want to help. Please reach out for help if you need it. How to Overcome Self-Hatred Self-hatred is a difficult emotion to overcome, but it is not impossible. There are a few things you can do to help yourself overcome self-hatred: Identify the source of your self-hatred. What is it about yourself that you hate? Once you know the source of your self-hatred, you can start to address it. Challenge your negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought about yourself, ask yourself if it is true. If it is not true, challenge the thought and replace it with a more positive one. Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and remind yourself of how valuable you are. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to a friend. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and accept yourself for who you are. Seek professional help. If you are struggling to overcome self-hatred on your own, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand the root of your self-hatred and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Overcoming self-hatred is a journey, but it is one that is worth taking. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.