Why do you do (or don’t do) certain things, and is it tied to the need to be perfect? ● Why do you go to the gym? To be skinny for others or to take care of yourself? ● Why don’t you take that painting class you’ve always wanted? Are you afraid your first attempts will be embarrassing? ● Why don't you join the improv group down the street? Are you afraid they are better than you and they will judge you? ● If no one saw you do something, would you still do it? ● If you couldn’t share your experience, would you still do it? ● Who would you be if people thought your actions and ideas were amazing? Would you feel freer to express ideas and be involved? Although we have been led to believe that perfection is the goal and that lack of perfection is the reason we are unsuccessful, this is not true. Perfectionism isn’t a goal. It isn’t something you can check off a list; perfection is impermeant. Perfectionism is a series of fleeting moments that are not destinations one can rest at for long. No one reaches perfection; they only stop there momentarily before moving back into the space inhabited by the rest of us. Perfectionism is constantly changing and is always fleeting. Seeking perfectionism in life can lead to great unhappiness. We tend to think that being perfect (without flaws) will lead to feelings of worthiness, but that is the furthest from the truth. Trying to be always perfect can lead to some unfulfilling habits. Habits that contribute to and promote feelings of worthlessness rather than feelings of worth. Debunked “truths” about perfectionism: We tell ourselves; I cannot struggle because that is weak. If I am weak, I am unloved. Studies have shown that those who show vulnerability are highly likable and more believable, and many people feel more connected to those who can show vulnerability through weaknesses. This can be things like not knowing how to do something, admitting mistakes, and healthily laughing at yourself. In actuality, those things are beautiful to others. We tell ourselves that if we aren’t working toward perfection, we will stop achieving or having goals. This is silly. We will all continue to complete but will be able to do so through learning and flexibility rather than rigid steps that might hinder the goals in the long run. Our goals and tasks may become more collaborative, and we may find mentors and gurus as we work toward more important things. We may decide that past goals no longer serve us and move on to new ideas and benchmarks. Some of us do not do or try new things because being an amateur is weak or embarrassing. But the truth is, you can only perfect a skill if you are willing to be imperfect. You also miss out on many fun activities with others that you might enjoy. Everyone you know that is talented or very good at something was once an amateur at their current skill. You can’t learn something new without being an amateur first. Being willing to be a newbie is surprisingly liberating. We confuse high standards with perfectionism. High standards are not perfectionism. High standards are boundaries you have set for yourself, such as, “I will not accept a job that underpays me” or “I will not date someone angry all the time.” Or high standards are goals you have for yourself, such as, “I will buy a house by the time I am 30” or “I will make enough money not to have to buy thrifted clothes unless I want to.” High standards are just things you make up based on either the values you have or the values other people have. Some high standards we have are only ours because we feel the pressure from society to maintain such standards for ourselves. Often these high standards are linked to money, status, and possessions. But, like anything, high standards need to be balanced. Suppose your high standards prevent you from learning new things, being open-minded, or having fun with people in healthy ways. In that case, you should consider balancing your criteria with healthy exploration and unique things. One thing is for sure; Perfectionism is pressure. And Pressure can lead to anxiety. Sometimes we perceive the pressure as the judgments of other people. Our need to be perfect is tied to what others think of us. But who are these other people? The judgments of others are usually thoughts we have created in our own minds. Think to yourself, who is judging me? Do I know this for a fact? Have they told me so, or is it just something I think they are thinking? Have I extrapolated this idea due to things they have said in the past? Is this my assumption or a truth? Unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that other people expect you to be perfect, then you must entertain that this idea is only an assumption on your part and that it might not be something they actually feel. If you have surrounded yourself with judgmental people, consider reevaluating that group. Do they really care about you if they are constantly judging you? Find a balance between those that judge and those that accept you as you are. You will be surprised how many people will take you as you are because they want the same acceptance. Sometimes we judge because we feel that is what everyone else is doing, which is the expectation. One brave person standing up for acceptance can change the dynamic of the whole group. Now that you know a little about it, do you think you indulge in the self-perfection model? Here are some characteristics to help you decide. · You can become easily Overworked. You take on all group tasks and try to do them without asking for help. You are a yes person. You are a people-pleaser. · You will go above and beyond, and you are constantly seeking praise. · You are a procrastinator – the pressure to start is too much. The fear of not being perfect at the job or task at hand makes you afraid to start. · You are not trying or learning new things because you can’t be perfect the first time. You are worried about being judged by others. · You are pointing out flaws in yourself to others. You want to point out your flaws before others judge you for them. · Perfection keeps you from intimacy. You are not cute enough. You can’t be naked with the lights on or look at yourself in the mirror because you aren’t perfect. · You can’t have deep relationships because people will discover who you are. You don't have deep friendships because you can't tell other people your ideas for fear they will think your feelings and thoughts are stupid. · You can’t enjoy things like food, clothes shopping, or swimming because you feel your body is imperfect, so other people will think you are ugly. · You want to avoid traveling because you fear not knowing the culture or norms. How to change your view of needing to be perfect? Increase your tolerance for imperfection and being okay. Be okay with being uncomfortable. With learning new things, with having new experiences. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. In other words, go out of your comfort zone. Do things that get you out of your comfort zone, learn something new, talk to a stranger, go somewhere new, do something alone, join a new group, or start a new hobby. When you feel uncomfortable, check in and thank yourself for leaving your comfort zone. Say to yourself that you are worthy right now. Do this every day. You won't believe yourself at first but keep going! If possible, look yourself in the eyes, use a mirror, and say out loud to yourself that you are fine, just as you are, and smile at yourself. Do this every day. When people accept you without conditions, notice it. Notice when you are out of your comfort zone and get a compliment or a kind word. Notice the positive feedback and be thankful. When you mess up, say to yourself, “I am human. Therefore, I make mistakes but can learn and move on.” If you need to tell me you are sorry, do it. That heals both the person you need to say sorry to and yourself. You will be surprised at the closure you feel when you say you are sorry and really mean it. If you make a mistake, learn from it. And pat yourself on the back for being courageous enough to learn from mistakes. That takes bravery! Studies show that your body doesn’t know the difference between you patting yourself on the back or hugging yourself or if it is someone else doing so. So give yourself love when you step out of your comfort zone. Physically pat yourself on the back, provide a self-hug now and then, rub your shoulders, and say well done! Thank yourself for working toward a happier and more fulfilling life. The more you do these things, the better and easier it becomes. Letting go of the need to be perfect is one step to feeling worthy. Healthy Self Worth looks like this: Peaceful days are not filled with daily drama. Calm mind and actions Freedom to enjoy things just as they are and try new things excitedly. Ability to listen to your internal wisdom and intuition. Ability to take good care of yourself. To Have healthy boundaries. You can work and move through issues with greater strategy and understanding. You won’t let a lousy comment define you entirely. You will be able to give yourself compassion. You will be able to comfort yourself. You will not stop having goals and working towards them, but you will do so with more openness and flexibility. Know that change is not linear. It is forward, backward, upside-down, sideways, and everything else. So be kind to yourself. I have faith in you! Check out the companion podcast for more (live on May 26th, 2023)! https://youtu.be/Gdq3P-vJMjE

What is reparenting? Reparenting is the process of providing yourself with the love, support, and guidance that you didn't receive as a child. It's about healing the wounds of your past and creating a new, healthier relationship with yourself. It allows you to look at the things you learned in childhood and decide if they are right for you now. Such as, learning as child that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. You can chose to rethink that assumption into something that serves your adult self. You may choose to think that showing emotion is a human action and that it is emotions are not bad, they are just a way to better understand and honor yourself. You can decide that emotions are important to show to loved ones how you feel, such as happiness, sadness and so on. Emotions can be a release. Why is reparenting important? Reparenting is important because it can help you to heal from the trauma of your past and create a more positive and fulfilling life. When you reparent yourself, you learn to love and accept yourself unconditionally. You also learn to set healthy boundaries and take care of your own needs. How can you start reparenting yourself? There are many ways to reparent yourself. Here are a few tips to get you started: Be kind to yourself. One of the most important things you can do is to be kind to yourself. This means or giving yourself for your mistakes and accepting yourself for who you are. Give yourself what you needed as a child. If you didn't receive love, support, or guidance as a child, give yourself these things now. This could mean reading books about self-love, practicing meditation, or seeking therapy. Set healthy boundaries. One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to set healthy boundaries. This means saying no to things that you don't want to do and protecting your time and energy. Take care of your needs. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. It also means taking time for yourself to relax and de-stress. Conclusion Reparenting is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and patience. But it's worth it. When you reparent yourself, you create a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself. This can lead to a more positive and fulfilling life.

Self-doubt is a common experience that can have a significant impact on our lives. It can hold us back from taking risks, pursuing our goals, and reaching our full potential. What is self-doubt? Self-doubt is a feeling of uncertainty or lack of confidence in one's abilities. It can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as negative experiences, criticism from others, or simply our own thoughts and feelings. How does self-doubt affect us? Self-doubt can have a number of negative effects on our lives. It can prevent us from taking risks, pursuing our goals, and reaching our full potential. It can also lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. How can we overcome self-doubt? There are a number of things we can do to overcome self-doubt. Here are a few tips: Identify your self-doubt triggers. The first step to overcoming self-doubt is to identify what triggers it for you. Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to develop strategies for dealing with them. Challenge your negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought about yourself, challenge it. Ask yourself if the thought is really true. Is there evidence to support it? If not, replace it with a more positive thought. Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When you're feeling down on yourself, focus on your strengths. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Reminding yourself of your strengths can help to boost your confidence. Set realistic goals. When we set unrealistic goals, we're setting ourselves up for failure. This can lead to self-doubt and discouragement. Instead, set realistic goals that you can actually achieve. This will help you to build confidence and momentum. Take action. One of the best ways to overcome self-doubt is to take action. When you take action, you prove to yourself that you're capable. You also start to build momentum, which can help to boost your confidence. Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. When you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it and move on. Remember that you're human and that everyone makes mistakes. Seek support. If you're struggling with self-doubt, don't be afraid to seek support from others. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else you trust. Talking about your struggles can help you to feel less alone and more supported. Overcoming self-doubt is not easy, but it is possible. With time, effort, and patience, you can learn to manage your self-doubt and achieve your goals.

Self-betrayal is the act of breaking a promise to yourself. It can be anything from not following through on a goal to lying to yourself about your feelings. When you betray yourself, you are breaking the trust you have in yourself. This can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. There are many reasons why people betray themselves. Sometimes, it is because they are afraid of failure. Other times, it is because they are trying to please others. And sometimes, it is simply because they do not know how to keep their promises to themselves. Whatever the reason, self-betrayal is a serious issue. It can lead to a number of problems in your life, including: Low self-esteem: When you betray yourself, you are essentially telling yourself that you are not worthy of being trusted. This can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. Depression: Self-betrayal can also lead to depression. When you feel like you cannot trust yourself, it can be difficult to find joy in life. Anxiety: Self-betrayal can also lead to anxiety. When you are constantly worried about letting yourself down, it can be difficult to relax and enjoy the present moment. Stress: Self-betrayal can also lead to stress. When you are constantly trying to live up to your own expectations, it can be difficult to relax and de-stress. If you are struggling with self-betrayal, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand why you are betraying yourself. Once you understand the root of the problem, you can start to address it. If you are afraid of failure, it is important to remember that failure is a part of life. Everyone fails sometimes. The important thing is to learn from your failures and to keep trying. If you are trying to please others, it is important to remember that you cannot please everyone. You have to learn to put your own needs first sometimes. And if you simply do not know how to keep your promises to yourself, it is important to learn how to set realistic goals and to create a plan to achieve them. Self-betrayal is a difficult issue to overcome, but it is not impossible. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to trust yourself and to keep your promises to yourself. Here are some tips on how to stop self-betrayal: Be honest with yourself. The first step to stopping self-betrayal is to be honest with yourself. This means being honest about your feelings, your goals, and your limitations. Set realistic goals. When you set goals for yourself, make sure they are realistic. If you set goals that are too difficult to achieve, you are setting yourself up for failure. Create a plan. Once you have set your goals, create a plan to achieve them. This plan should include specific steps that you will take each day. Take action. The most important step in stopping self-betrayal is to take action. This means doing the things that you have planned to do. Be patient. Self-betrayal is a process that takes time. Do not expect to change overnight. Be patient with yourself and keep working towards your goals. thumb_upthumb_downrefreshGoogle it more_vert

Self-shame is a feeling of worthlessness, inadequacy, and unlovability. It is often accompanied by a sense of being flawed or defective. Self-shame can be caused by a variety of factors, including childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect. It can also be caused by negative experiences in adulthood, such as failure, rejection, or betrayal. Self-shame can have a profound impact on our lives. It can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can also make it difficult to form healthy relationships and to achieve our goals. If you are struggling with self-shame, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand where your self-shame comes from. Once you understand the root of your self-shame, you can start to address it. If you have experienced trauma or abuse in your childhood, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to heal from your trauma and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. If you have experienced negative experiences in adulthood, such as failure, rejection, or betrayal, it is important to challenge your negative thoughts. Remember that these experiences do not define you. You are worthy of love and respect, regardless of what has happened to you. It is also important to practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to a friend. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and accept yourself for who you are. Finally, if you are struggling to overcome self-shame on your own, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand the root of your self-shame and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Overcoming self-shame is a journey, but it is one that is worth taking. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.thumb_upthumb_downrefreshGoogle it more_vert

Self-hatred is a destructive emotion that can have a profound impact on our lives. It can lead to feelings of worthlessness, depression, and anxiety. It can also make it difficult to form healthy relationships and to achieve our goals. There are many reasons why we might feel self-hatred. Some people may have experienced trauma or abuse in their childhood. Others may have made mistakes that they feel they can never forgive themselves for. Still others may simply feel like they are not good enough. Whatever the reason, self-hatred is a painful and debilitating emotion. If you are struggling with self-hatred, there are things you can do to help yourself. First, it is important to understand where your self-hatred comes from. Once you understand the root of your self-hatred, you can start to address it. If you have experienced trauma or abuse, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to heal from your trauma and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. If you have made mistakes, it is important to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and to move on. If you simply feel like you are not good enough, it is important to challenge your negative thoughts. Remember that you are not alone. Everyone struggles with self-doubt at times. The important thing is to focus on your strengths and to believe in yourself. If you are struggling with self-hatred, please know that you are not alone. There are people who care about you and who want to help. Please reach out for help if you need it. How to Overcome Self-Hatred Self-hatred is a difficult emotion to overcome, but it is not impossible. There are a few things you can do to help yourself overcome self-hatred: Identify the source of your self-hatred. What is it about yourself that you hate? Once you know the source of your self-hatred, you can start to address it. Challenge your negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought about yourself, ask yourself if it is true. If it is not true, challenge the thought and replace it with a more positive one. Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and remind yourself of how valuable you are. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to a friend. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and accept yourself for who you are. Seek professional help. If you are struggling to overcome self-hatred on your own, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to understand the root of your self-hatred and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Overcoming self-hatred is a journey, but it is one that is worth taking. With hard work and dedication, you can learn to love and accept yourself for who you are.